Falling Fast
by jordanfrank182
Summary: A look into how Lily Evans and James Potter could have fallen in love during their seventh year at Hogwarts. When the two become Head Boy and Girl, and are forced to share a dormitory, Lily starts to re-examine her feelings for the boy she was always sure she hated.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Lily couldn't believe what she was reading as her eyes scanned the letter from Hogwarts. James Potter, Head Boy? Was Dumbledore playing a prank on her? Why on earth had he chosen that stuck up, foul-mouthed, jinx-happy boy to be her partner? Lily wasn't at all sure how she would ever be able to work with him. Sighing, Lily got up to grab a dish of water for the Hogwarts owl. He dipped his beak into the water, drinking for a moment, and then flew out of her open window without a sound.

"Why me?" Lily groaned, laying her head on her desk in disappointment. "Out of all the possible boys at Hogwarts… Why'd it have to be Potter?" She sat there for a moment, thinking. She almost wished she could go to the room next door, sit down with Petunia and talk to her about how she was feeling. Like a normal Muggle teenage. But unfortunately, a chance for them to ever have a normal relationship had gone out the window when Lily had gotten her Hogwarts letter all those years ago.

Just then there was a knock on her door. "Lily… It's me. Can I come in, sweetheart?" It was the voice of Lily's mother, sounding concerned.

"Yes, come in," Lily replied, grumbling.

"Is everything alright?" Lily's mother asked, opening up the door to Lily's room and seeing her sitting at her desk, looking distressed. "I saw an owl fly in and wanted to know what the news was."

"It's from Hogwarts. I've been selected as Head Girl."

"Oh Lily, that's wonderful!" her mother exclaimed. "I'm so incredibly proud of you!"

Lily just sat there, looking sullen.

"But… why don't you seem happy about this?"

Lily thrust the letter into her mother's hands, inviting her to read it. She scanned it, and saw the name James Potter jump out at her from the page. "Ah… so this is what you're so upset about." Lily's mother moved over to set on her bed, motioning for Lily to take a seat next to her.

"I just don't get it! How could Dumbledore choose him as Head Boy? He wasn't even a prefect! And lord knows he has absolutely no regard for the rules, strutting around the castle like he owns the place, flirting with everything that moves—" Lily cut off when she noticed her mother smiling at her. "What?" Lily asked, frustrated.

"Well, you should see your face when you talk about him! All animated and passionate, I rarely see you get this worked up about anything besides James Potter!"

"And what's THAT supposed to mean?" Lily asked indignantly. "I hate him, of course I get worked up talking about him!"

"Oh Lily." Her mother chucked, pulling her closer on the bed and wrapping one her arms around Lily's shoulders. "I know that this will probably be difficult for you, but at some point, I think you should really take a look at how you feel about James. It might sound ridiculous, but hate is usually much closer to love than you might think. The feeling that tends to mean you truly don't care for someone is indifference."

Lily sat there for a moment, digesting her mother's words. And then she snorted. "Oh please, Mom. I do not have feelings for James Potter, of all people!"

"Ok, whatever you say dear," Lily's mother said, rising from her spot on the bed. "I have to go finish cooking. Supper is in fifteen minutes, alright?"

Lily nodded and flopped back on her pillows as her mom walked out of the room and shut the door. She couldn't believe she had just been told to re-examine her feelings for James! She would always dislike him no matter what. Thank god that term was starting tomorrow, and Lily would have the chance to discuss this development with her friends.

The next morning dawned sunny, but chilly, as Lily and her father hauled her heavy school trunk down the driveway and into the trunk of the car. Together, they heaved it in, and her dad slammed the lid shut. "Come on!" he exclaimed. "We've got to get moving if we want to make it to King's Cross by eleven!"

"I'll be right back, just let me say goodbye to Mom first," Lily shouted, running back towards the house. She opened the door, and made her way to the dining room where her mother was arguing with Petunia. As she approached, she could hear terse whispers being exchanged, her mother saying something like— "For God's sake Petunia, it's your sister's last year. You will say goodbye to her civilly, I know that you don't care about any of this but it's still a big deal—" and then Lily walked into the room, cutting her mother off. Too quickly she plastered a smile on her face. This was always the most difficult part of the day.

"Oh, come here my darling." Lily's mother gathered her up into a hug as Petunia turned away sulkily. "I can't believe you're starting your last year! We're all so proud of you. Have an incredible time, and remember to write." As they ended their embrace, Lily turned towards her sister. "Petunia…" she started, trailing off, unsure of how to continue. She took a deep breath and braced herself. "I know we've had our differences, but I want you to know that I'll always consider you my sister. And I hope that you have a good year too."

It seemed to be all Petunia could do to look at Lily, nod, and say a terse thank you. Lily sighed, feeling sad that there was nothing she could do to repair her relationship with her sister. But, Hogwarts was waiting, and Lily ran out to the car, eager to get on with the drive.

Lily's father noticed that she seemed upset during the start of the car ride.

"Are you alright Lily? You seem… weighed down by something."

Lily sighed. Sometimes she wished she didn't show her emotions so openly. "It's just Petunia. Sometimes I wish things between us could be different. I mean, we were so close when we were younger, and now she can barely stand to look at me. I feel like I've tried so hard to make sure she was still happy, and all she's done is show me disdain in return. I know it must be hard to have a witch for a sister, knowing that there's another world out there that you can't be any part of… But I wish she wouldn't resent me so much for it. It's not like I asked for that."

"I know that Lily. Believe me, your mother and I have had that same kind of conversation with Petunia many times. It seems that there's just no getting through to her, unfortunately."

The pair sat lost in their thoughts for a while, thinking.

Then Lily's father broke the silence by saying, "So, tell me what you're going to be doing in terms of classes and studying this year."

Lily's face immediately lit up. "Oh, well we have our N.E.W.T.s at the end of this year. They stand for Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, and they're standardized, similar to the O.W.L.s I took a few years ago. But these are harder, obviously, and our grades can help determine what kind of field we go into after graduation." Lily rambled on, telling her father all about how excited she was to start Potions and Charms again, and wondering about all the fun and difficulties her courses would bring this year. Before the pair knew it, the car was parking at the station and Lily's father was walking her to the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10.

"Well, this is where I say goodbye," Lily's father said, somewhat sadly. Lily looked up at him and thought she saw a glimmer of tears beginning to sparkle there.

"Oh dad, don't cry!" Lily exclaimed.

"I won't, I won't. I just can't believe you're all grown up and off to your last year of school. Why, I remember your first day like it was yesterday…" He said, adding some bravado into his voice and staring off into the distance as if he could see the scene now.

Lily smacked his arm. "Dad, stop being silly!" Her father grinned.

"In all seriousness, Lils, I love you so much. Have an incredible year." He pulled her into a tight hug. They stood there for a few moments, simply savoring the embrace. It was Lily who finally broke away.

"Thank you, Dad. I'll write soon, I promise." And with that, Lily grabbed her trolley, glanced around to make sure no Muggles were watching, and started to jog towards the barrier. Once she burst through on the other side, she was immediately surrounded by steam, shouting witches and wizards, and anxious students all hurrying about. The excitement in the air was palpable, and Lily could feel her own growing as she glanced around, looking for her friends.

Suddenly a voice cut through the steam, calling her name. "Evans! Hey Evans!" the voice boomed. Recognizing it immediately, Lily's heart began to pound. A figure started to materialize in front of her. "I was wondering if—"

Immediately Lily cut him off. "For the thousandth time, Potter, I do not want to go out with you! I've been on the platform all of two seconds, and you immediately decide to come over and ask me that? Great start to the year, really."

James saw the blazing look in Lily's eyes and quickly backed away, hands held up in protest. "Whoa, calm down there Evans. I was only wondering if you got the letter from the school saying that we had to talk to the prefects on the train, seeing as we're Head Boy and Girl and all."

The fire in Lily's eyes quickly died. "Oh," she said, unsure of how to proceed. Her interactions with James usually weren't civil, after all. "Obviously I got the letter. And I know about talking to the prefects. Why don't we do it about halfway through the train ride, give everyone some time to settle in?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll catch you later Evans." James flashed her a smile and disappeared through the mist, no doubt off to find the fellow marauders. Lily stood there for a moment, slightly shocked. She couldn't believe that she had just had an almost pleasant interaction with James Potter. "Well, this year is certainly off to an interesting start," she muttered to herself.

All of a sudden, Lily felt a jerk at her shoulder, and turned around to see her best friend, Alice, coming in for a hug with arms wide open. Lily squealed, and the two embraced enthusiastically.

"Oh Lily, it's so good to see you, I missed you so much!" Alice gasped, her blue eyes shining excitedly. "We have so much to talk about. Come on, grab your stuff, I already got us a compartment and Mary is in there waiting!" Beaming, Lily grabbed her trunk and walked onto the train. It was already chaos on board, of course. Everyone was running all over the place, friends were embracing, insults were being leveled. Lily had to stop once or twice to give people a scolding because they were being too rowdy. When the two girls reached the compartment, Mary immediately jumped up to give Lily a big hug. The three of them quickly stowed Lily's trunk and then shut the door, eager to get caught up with one another.

The moment the three were settled, Lily immediately blurted out, "Do you two happen to know who's Head Boy?" Mary and Alice looked at each other but both shook their heads. "I mean, I imagine it has to be Lupin, no?" Mary guessed, but stopped once she saw the look on Lily's face.

"Well, judging from that expression, it definitely isn't Lupin," Alice laughed. "Who is it then?"

"It's Potter." Mary and Alice sat for a second in silence, eyes widening, digesting what Lily had just said.

"You can't be serious?" questioned Mary. Lily shook her head. "Unfortunately, it's true. I still can't believe Dumbledore picked him! He's done basically nothing except flout the rules since the moment he set foot in Hogwarts."

"Maybe Dumbledore picked him because of that," Alice mused. "Maybe he thought a position of authority would make James shape up, give him a little responsibility."

Lily rolled her eyes at the thought, but then something else occurred to her. "Oh, and when I told my mom how upset I was feeling, so told me that I should re-examine my feelings for Potter! Like I might possibly like him or something. Isn't that the most insane thing you've ever heard?"

Mary and Alice exchanged a look. "I don't know Lily. I mean, he does seem to be the only boy you ever really talk about. And you tend to talk about him a lot," Alice offered, somewhat timidly, afraid of what Lily's response might be.

Lily looked shocked. "Wow, I can't believe you guys would agree with my mom about this!"

Mary quickly interjected. "Look, Lily, all we're saying is that you seem to spend an awful lot of your time and energy directed at James, which you claim is because you hate him. I just don't know that many people who are so focused on hating a person, you know?"

"But obviously you know your own feelings better than anyone," Alice added. "We're not trying to tell you that you don't hate James, but maybe you should just reconsider the relationship dynamic a bit. After all, you are going to be together a lot this year."

"Fine," Lily said huffily. She was prepared to go into a massive sulking session, but then the door to the compartment was thrown open, and the girls' last roommate Veronica waltzed in. Immediately Lily was pulled out of her funk. It was nearly impossible to be upset when Veronica was around.

"Here you guys are!" Veronica exclaimed. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Sure, if you count everywhere as the inside of Sirius' mouth!" retorted Lily, a wide grin spreading over her face.

"What can I say?" Veronica joked, falling down in the seat besides Lily. "I guess these lips are simply irresistible." At 5'10, with masses of dark brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, Veronica was more than a match for Sirius Black. She puckered her lips and made kissing sounds at Lily, who giggled and slapped her friend on the arm playfully.

"So, what did I miss?" Veronica asked.

"Oh, we've been discussing Lily's woes about how James was named Head Boy… and about how she might be secretly in love with him!" Mary teased.

"Mary!" Lily shrieked, turning red. "I did not say that!"

Mary held up her hands in surrender, laughing. Undeterred, Veronica turned to Alice and asked, "How's Frank?"

Now it was Alice's turn to blush. She fingered the ends of her dirty blond hair, her eyes downcast, and said "Good."

The three girls stared blankly at her. "That's all we get?" asked Lily. "Good?"

Alice lifted her face up and couldn't help but grin. "Alright, things are great! I'm just not trying to get my hopes up too much, you know? I mean, we only got together at the end of last year, but we exchanged letters all summer and… I just really like him! I still haven't seen him yet, so hopefully I'll see him at the feast tonight!"

"Now that's more like it!" Veronica yelled.

The next few hours passed by in a blur, the four girls talking, laughing, and even playing a few games of exploding snap. Out of the blue, there was a knock on the door, and Potter's familiar face peeked through the window.

"Crap, is that the time?" Lily hollered, looking at her watch. "I totally forgot, I have to go with Potter to talk to the prefects now! I'll be back soon guys, I'm so sorry."

Stepping out into the hallway, Lily reluctantly said to James, "Thank you for coming to find me. I got so caught up with my friends… I probably wouldn't have remembered otherwise."

"It's no problem," James replied with a smile.

The two of them started off somewhat awkwardly down the hall towards the front of the train.

"Um…. So how was your summer?" Lily asked, slightly uncomfortable at the thought of having a normal conversation with James.

"It was good! Sirius was basically living at my house, what with his parents pretty much being Death Eaters and all, so I got to practice my Quidditch a lot. Which was awesome, because I'm going to be captain this year, and I need the team to be in the best shape so we can crush Slytherin in the first match."

"Oh, that's cool. I'm sure you'll put together a great team." Lily was surprised to find that she actually meant it. If there was one thing James cared about it, it was Quidditch.

"Thanks!" James said, trying not to let his happiness show too much. "How was your summer?" he asked, glancing at her as he did, and noticing that her brow had become furrowed and she was biting her lip.

"It was alright," Lily sighed. "The muggle world definitely doesn't compare to Hogwarts. And my sister and I… we don't really get along too well anymore." James could hear the slight pain behind her words as she spoke, and his heart wretched.

"Listen Lily…" She looked at him. There was a note of earnestness in his voice she had never heard there before. "I know that we haven't always gotten along, and that's mainly my fault. But I know that we're going to have to be working together pretty closely this year, so I just wanted to say that you can count on me. For anything you might need."

Lily was so dumbfounded she almost stopped walking altogether. She couldn't believe that words so sincere had come out of James Potter's mouth. The only thing she could do was reply, "Thanks James. You can count on me too." By that time, they had reached the prefect compartment, so there wasn't much time to dwell on the exchange that had just occurred. As James slid open the door, Lily gave her head a little shake, hoping that her thoughts were clear enough to talk to the prefects without too much trouble.

The moment they walked through, all eyes were on them. Lily felt nervousness and excitement pass through her; being this kind of authority figure was something she had always wanted. "Okay, hi everyone! I'm Lily, this is James, and we're going to be your Head Girl and Boy for this upcoming school year. For everyone who has been a prefect before, sorry that you'll be hearing this speech again, but for all the new prefects, welcome! We're very excited to have you here.

"Being a prefect is an important job," Lily continued. "And not one that should be taken lightly. You have the power to give out detentions, award and subtract house points, and, most importantly, remember that you are always serving as role models for your houses."

"Remember that being a prefect is a privilege, not a right," James chimed in. "Any abusing of power or bad behavior will absolutely not be tolerated. There are more than enough students who would be happy to have a prefect position in a heartbeat. Tonight you will all be responsible for escorting the first years to your respective house common rooms. Usually we would also have the job of patrolling the school corridors, but with the state of things right now (at this remark there was some uncomfortable shifting around the room) the teachers have decided that it will be much safer if they perform that particular duty. Anything else to add, Evans?"

"Um…" Lily was surprised James had said everything so smoothly. "I think you covered it all Potter. Remember that the two of us are always here as a resource if you have any questions or concerns. Let's have a good year!"

Both Lily and James turned to walk through the compartment door at the same time, so they wound up crashing into each other as they did so. Lily made an "Oof!" sound under her breath while James just chuckled. Lily could hear a few people making sniggering noises behind her. "After you, Evans," he said motioning towards the doorway.

"Thanks," Lily replied, blushing slightly.

Once they had both made it through the doorway unscathed, Lily turned to James, wanting to commend him on how well he had handled the meeting. "Potter, I just thought I should tell you," Lily started, but James quickly held up his hand for her to stop. "What is it?" she asked, slightly concerned.

"You don't hear that?" James questioned. Lily stood for a second, confused, trying to listen for something, but before she could figure out what was going on James had already started to bound away.

"Oi! Potter!" Lily yelled after him, but James was clearly not going to stop. Disgruntled, Lily hitched up her robes and starting running furiously after him. By the time she had caught up, James was already halfway down the train. There were sounds coming from somewhere though, sounds that sounded like— "A duel!" the pair exclaimed simultaneously. They continued hurrying down the train, peeking into compartments to try and figure out where the fight was coming from. Finally, they saw flashing lights coming from a compartment a few doors down.

"There!" James shouted, and the two ran towards it. James was about to throw open the door, but then he yelled at Lily, "Get behind me!" Lily stared at him indignantly, and was about to shout that she was actually the better person at Charms, when James simply shoved her behind him and threw open the door.

Firing hexes at each other with manic looks in their eyes were Sirius and his younger brother, Regulus. Lily couldn't help but gape as she saw the scene laid out before her. Both boys were bleeding from several places, and their robes were torn and singed. Sirius had his wand raised, and it seemed that he was about to shout the spell _Sectumsempra _but luckily James managed to tackle him before he was able to get the whole spell out. Lily quickly walked into the room and cast a shield charm, making sure that the brothers could fire no more spells at one another.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked James, very angry.

"Why don't you tell them what you did, Regulus?" Sirius spat. "The horrible things you said about me and-and about Veronica." Veronica was half wizard and half muggle. And Sirius' family, well… They were some of the worst purebloods in the wizarding world.

Regulus just stared blankly at Lily, James, and Sirius.

"You're not going to apologize?" Sirius shouted in disbelief.

"Why should I?" Regulus responded calmly. "Everything I said is true. You're a traitor to our family and everything we stand for. Your girlfriend's blood is tainted. She is unworthy of you. But, then again…" he turned his eyes towards Lily. "Even she's not nearly as bad as this Mudblood you call a friend."

Lily thought she had never been so angry in her life, but she forced herself to remain calm. She was so caught up in her own emotional struggle, she barely noticed that it was now Sirius who was restraining James from going after Regulus himself! Lily looked Regulus straight in the eye, and said "I'm going to be reporting this behavior to Dumbledore when we arrive at the castle. You should expect to hear from him with a punishment soon. Oh… and 50 points from Slytherin for breaking the rules and dueling on the Hogwarts express."

Lily walked out of the room with her head held high, hoping that Sirius and James were right behind her. Luckily, there was an empty compartment a few doors down and she collapsed into a chair, head in her hands. After a few moments, she felt James and Sirius sit down on either side of her.

"I'm sorry," Lily said, voice somewhat muffled and thick. "I just really hate that word."

If her head had been up, Lily would have seen James reaching out timidly, wanting to touch her, to comfort her in some small way. But he didn't want to risk making her more upset, not now. So he merely said, "Don't listen to Regulus. And don't give that word power to hurt you. It says nothing about you as a person, and everything about him that he would even think to use it."

"Prongs is right," Sirius replied. "I mean, I always knew that he tended to side with my parents, but I always thought… that we would still be close with each other. That maybe I could get him to see sense. But after the things he said about you and Veronica today," Sirius' eyes hardened. "I don't think there's any returning from that." He paused. "That being said, I can't believe how calmly you handled that. I gotta give you major props Evans, it seems like Dumbledore really picked the right Head Girl!"

Despite the situation, Lily still managed to smile. "Thanks Sirius. That really means a lot. And thank you too James. You're right. I know that the word doesn't reflect who I am… it's just a little hard to remember that sometimes." The three sat for a moment, thinking about the experience they had just shared. James and Sirius had really shown Lily their true colors today, and she was glad they did. It was nice to see behind the façade of these two arrogant show-offs for a change.

James finally stood up, and offered Lily a hand. She took it, rising steadily to her feet. The two smiled at each other. "Prongs and Evans holding hands… It has certainly been an interesting start to our last year of school," Sirius teased. Both Lily and James rolled their eyes, neither of them wanting to convey the slight thrill that had passed through them when their hands had touched. Moods slightly improved, the three walked back towards Lily's original compartment in pensive silence.

When they got there, they found that Remus and Peter had joined the girls, and the five friends looked excited as they saw Lily, James, and Sirius were back.

"There you guys are!" exclaimed Lupin. "We were looking for you!" Then he noticed the slight heaviness that surrounded them, as if they had all just been through an ordeal. "Is everything ok?" he asked, concerned. "What happened?"

Lily just shook her head sadly and went to sit on a seat by the window to watch the countryside flash by. "It's a story for another time," said James. Sirius went sat down next to Veronica, immediately engulfing her in a hug. "What's this for?" Veronica giggled. "Just because." Sirius knew how lucky he was to have Veronica at all, and that he would never tell her what had happened with his brother. There are some things that people are better off not knowing, and this was definitely one of those things.

As the train chugged onward, Lily let her mind wander, thinking about hard it was for her to walk two different worlds, until she was pulled sharply back down to earth by the sound of Remus saying, "Aren't you excited to share a dorm with Potter this year, Evans?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Lily was completely shocked. She looked to James for some sort of clarity as to what Remus could possibly be talking about.

"Um, yeah… It was in that letter from the school, remember? On the second page?" James prompted. Actually, Lily didn't remember. She had been so caught up in the idea that James was going to be Head Boy that she never really bothered to read the letter in its entirety.

"Oh I, uh… I don't think I actually made it that far." Lily blushed.

"Wait, you're being serious?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, Lily won't be rooming with us this year?" Alice chimed in.

Lily stared at her three best friends in the whole world, and they stared back. She had been living with them for six years! Their late-night gossip sessions, swapping secrets, and inside jokes made up some of her favorite memories at Hogwarts. Lily wasn't sure she would be able to survive an entire school year without them.

"Well according to the letter," James said, rummaging around in his rucksack to find it, and pulling it out, "It says that we can have you guys over any time, but no more than fifteen people are allowed in. Oh, and also, no sleepovers without McGonagall's or Dumbledore's permission."

"That doesn't seem so bad," Veronica said hopefully. "I mean, I'm sure the dorm is amazing! And remember how great the prefect bathroom was? I'm sure your bathroom this year will be even better. Maybe your bedrooms will even be more personalized!"

Lily gave her a friend a small smile, grateful that she was trying to cheer her up. But Lily knew, deep down, that it wasn't so much the room itself she was worried about… it was more the person that she was going to have to share it with.

The rest of the train ride passed without incident, and by the time the Hogwarts Express arrived outside the castle grounds everyone's mood was thoroughly cheerier. Lily was looking forward to the feast (her mom's cooking was great, but nothing could truly compare to the Hogwarts' house elves) and then crawling upstairs into bed, and sleeping blissfully until morning. Hopefully her new bed would be just as comfortable as her old one.

Mary, Alice, Lily, and Veronica all climbed into one of the awaiting carriages and began the bumpy ride up the road to the castle. Veronica commented, "You know, seven years here and I don't think I ever found out what these carriages are pulled by!"

Lily quickly responded, "They're these creatures called thestrals. I asked Professor Kettleburn about them last year. They kind of look like skeletal horses, and they're only invisible because you've never seen someone die."

Veronica blinked at Lily, nonplussed, and Mary burst out laughing. "Wow Lil, that's quite a downer!" she gasped, barely getting out the words. Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "I guess so. But they're not dangerous to humans at all."

"Well thank god for that!" Mary said. "Imagine if one of these things attacked you— would you only start to see it once you were dying?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh at her friend's ridiculous statement. "You know, I feel like you should ask Professor Kettleburn about it. Although, I have to say, I don't think that watching yourself die would count here, you know?"

All four of the girls laughed, and the rest of the conversation up to the palace was spent on lighter topics. Lily still couldn't comprehend that this would be the last time she made the trip up to Hogwarts. That first night at Hogwarts still seemed so close, and yet so far away… She remembered how nervous she had been, wanting acceptance so badly, but also scared to reveal her complete ignorance about the wizarding world. As much as she hated it him now, it had been nice having Severus there with her, since he never treated her like an outsider and tried to tell her everything he could. Sometimes she couldn't believe how much she had changed, but that was all in the past now. Coming back to the present moment, Lily tried to take in as much of the ride as possible, savoring every second, knowing that this would be the last time she would ever experience it.

When they arrived in the great hall, the Marauders had already found seats at the Gryffindor table, and they ushered the four girls over just as Dumbledore rose up to speak, unfortunately being in one of the last carriages and missing the sorting ceremony. As usual, the room took very little time to become silent—Dumbledore's mere presence was usually enough to grant him awe and rapture from the Hogwarts' students. He cleared his throat, and began to speak.

"Hello students, and welcome to another year here at Hogwarts. I am sure that it is going to be a very great one. I know that there is great turbulence happening in our world today, but I want to remind each and every one of you that Hogwarts is a safe space for all who enter, and thus you should act accordingly. Remember to rely on your friends, and know that I and the staff are here for anyone who wishes to speak with us about any matter.

"That being said, the Forbidden Forest is, of course, forbidden to all students, and only students in the third year or above have permission to visit Hogsmede. All the usual items are banned from the school hallways, and Mr. Filch, as always, has the full list in his office. I believe that is all the announcements I have for this evening, so… Dig in!" Dumbledore clapped his hands the food appeared on all of the tables.

"Thank god," Sirius groaned, grabbing some of everything that lay within reach and piling it onto his plate. "I'm so hungry I could eat a hippogriff!"

"I think some of this meat could very well be hippogriff," Lily laughed, poking at one of the plates with her fork. She was a vegetarian, so she piled her plate high with garlic mashed potatoes, green beans cooked in butter, maple roasted carrots, and all of the other delicious vegetables and grains Hogwarts had to offer.

James saw her doing this and commented, "Wow Evans. I'm not sure I ever knew you were a vegetarian. Why don't you eat meat?"

Offhandedly, Lily said, "Well, you might know that I was a vegetarian if you had ever asked me anything these past seven years besides 'Will you go out with me?' and actually made an attempt to get to know me." Then she looked up as all her friends were staring at her, shocked. She realized what she had said, and turned to James, about to apologize, but he just started laughing. "That's a pretty fair point Evans. But seriously, why don't you eat meat?"

"My parents took me into a butcher shop when I was around ten." Lily shuddered at the memory. "That was pretty much the beginning of the end of meat-eating for me."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"Not really. The only food I ever tend to miss is bacon. And sometimes I miss eating a nice full English breakfast, you know."

"Yeah, I get that," James replied, and then dove into his roast chicken with gusto. Lily just shook her head good-naturedly.

When the meal was over, everyone got up to leave, but Lily and James stayed behind, knowing that Professor McGonagall was going to take them up to their new dorm. She walked up to Lily and James with her signature quickness, and no-nonsense gaze, but as she neared the pair she allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. "Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans," she said, nodding to both of them. "Congratulations on becoming Head Boy and Head Girl. I can't say I'm not pleased to have two Gryffindors representing the highest caliber students of Hogwarts. If you'll follow me now, I'll show you the way upstairs to your new dormitory."

She quickly turned and walked off, leaving Lily and James to look at one another excitedly and hurry after her. McGonagall led them to one of the highest and most isolated parts of the castle, close by to the Astronomy tower. "This is a long walk," James grumbled to Lily under his breath. "We're going to have to leave at least fifteen minutes early if we want to get to any of our classes on time!"

Finally, McGonagall stopped in front of a life-size painting that depicted what looked like a living room somewhere— From their angle, Lily could see a fireplace, an empty bookcase, and a few comfortable-looking pieces of furniture scattered about, including a couch, some armchairs, and a very sturdy looking table. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, McGonagall took her wand, and tapped the painting once on each corner, starting with the upper left and working clockwise, then finishing with a tap directly in the middle. Immediately the picture frame fell away, and Lily and James found that they had been magically transported in the room they had just been looking it, with a door directly behind them.

"Wow!" Lily, exclaimed, very impressed by the magic they had just witnessed. McGonagall turned to the two and said, "The picture is wand-sensitive. It will only allow you two, myself, and Professor Dumbledore inside. That being said, I would be very careful about keeping track of your wands, since you wouldn't want just anyone having potential access to your dormitory."

Lily kept looking around the room, taking everything in. The other two sides of the room had identical sets of doors, and Lily figured those must be the bedrooms and bathrooms. Since it was nighttime, the curtains were drawn, but there were two large windows on either side of the fireplace that Lily knew would bathe the entire room in sunlight. The walls were a lovely cream color, the floors were highly polished wood, and the fireplace was set in what looked like marble. It was an extremely beautiful room.

"As Head Boy and Girl, you two have some privileges that are not extended to the rest of the student body. For example," McGonagall said, walking over the bookcase, "This bookcase connects directly to the library. If you ever need any book, all you have to do is say the title and author." McGonagall stood next to the case and said clearly, "_A History of Magic_, Bathilda Bagshot." Immediately the book shimmered into existence on the shelf. "Of course, it will only work if you have the title AND author, not just one or the other, so if you forget one or don't know one then you'll have to go to the actual library itself and have Madame Pince help you."

She then walked over to the big table in the center of the room, and pointed to the tiny bell that was placed there. "If you ring that bell, you can call a house-elf to you and he or she will bring you whatever you would like from the kitchens. You can use it during the middle of the day, but please make sure that you are still in the Great Hall for breakfast and dinner every day."

Lily was already over the moon. She couldn't want to spend the cold winter evenings huddled in one of the armchairs by the fire, nose deep in what was now an endless possibility of books she could call up at whim! And James, of course, was thinking about all of the food he might be able to summon at a moment's notice. McGonagall strode over to the right side of the room and opened the doors. "Mr. Potter, this is your side of the dormitory."

His bedroom looked very warm, where the colors were mainly done in reds and yellows. There were Quidditch posters on the walls, and his bedroom actually had an amazing view of the pitch itself. The bed was massive, at least a king size, and on one side of the room there was a neat little desk and chair (not that James would be using his much, Lily thought). The closet door hung open, already full of James' clothes. James was looking around, grinning hugely. "Thanks Professor. This room is incredible!"

When McGonagall opened the door to the bathroom, Lily almost audibly gasped. There was a massive tub and shower set into one wall, with a glass sliding door. There was toilet, and a sink with an enormous mirror. All of James' preferred bathroom products were sitting on a shelf right next to the mirror. "Your bathroom will look the same Ms. Evans, just with all of your preferred products, obviously. Oh, and the floors in both bathrooms are heated."

"And now your bedroom, Ms. Evans." McGonagall opened the door. Again, the set-up of the bedroom was basically identical to James' but her room was done up in entirely different colors, full of cool greens and blues that made the whole room look like the sea. Lily walked in and felt her bedspread. It was extremely soft, and she could barely restrain herself from flopping into and falling asleep immediately. McGonagall, seeing how badly Lily wanted to lie down, made her move to leave. "Don't forget to be downstairs in the Great Hall to receive your class schedules tomorrow morning. Congratulations again on becoming Head Boy and Girl."

Lily closed her door and changed in to her pajamas, then went into the bathroom to tidy up before bed. Once she was done, she took a deep breath, walked across the living room and knocked on James' door. He opened it, pulling on a shirt as he did so, and Lily caught a glimpse of his extremely toned stomach before looking away and blushing.

"What is it?" James asked, looking concerned. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to say thank you again for all of your help today. You did a great job when we were talking to the prefects, and then you made me feel better after the whole situation with Regulus…" Lily smacked her forehead in frustration. "Which I totally just realized I forgot to tell Professor Dumbledore about! Do you think it's too late to go to his office now?"

James opened his mouth, about to answer, but Lily immediately kept talking, saying "Yeah it's definitely too late, but will you remind me to talk to him tomorrow? He really needs to know about this. Anyways, it was really nice to know I could count on you today. Ok, goodnight!"

Lily turned around and headed back to her room, James staring dumbly after her. He chucked to himself and called out across the room, "Goodnight Evans!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was 7:30 and Lily still hadn't come out of her room. James paced in front of the door nervously. He knew that she would hate herself if she overslept, but he also knew that she probably wouldn't like the idea of him coming into her room. Then again, if she did oversleep, she would probably be mad at James anyway for not waking her up! James stood in front of the door, weighing his options for a moment, and decided that if Lily was going to be angry with him either way, he might as well make sure they actually got downstairs on time.

Sighing, the opened the door a crack and peeked into the bedroom. Sure enough, Lily was still fast asleep, her fiery red hair strewn all across her pillow. Trying not to make too much noise, James crept across the floor and went to sit down on the bed beside her. Reaching down to her shoulder, he gave it a little shake. "Evans," he whispered urgently. "It's time to wake up."

Groaning, Lily started to stir slightly. A little bit louder now, James said, "Lily, you have to wake up. It's already 7:30, you don't want to be late on the first day." Hearing this, Lily's eyes snapped open immediately. "Oh my god, it's 7:30?!" Lily shouted, sitting bolt upright in bed. Unfortunately, James had leaned in closer in an attempt to wake her, and as she sat up, she accidentally head-butted him, and he fell backwards across the bed.

Mortally embarrassed, Lily quickly threw off the covers and ran over to make sure James was alright. "Potter, are you okay?" James didn't move. "Potter don't play with me, I swear to god, this morning is off to a rough enough start already." James broke into a smile. "You're no fun!" he complained. "But seriously, if this is the thanks I get for waking you up, you better believe I'm never going to do it again."

Suddenly Lily felt a little self-conscious, standing in front of a boy in her pajamas. She hadn't done that since… Well, she realized she had never done it! Except in front of her dad, which obviously didn't count. She mumbled another word of thanks before running off the bathroom to get quickly get ready for the day. No time to focus on her hair, she pulled it up into a quick bun, washed her face and brushed her teeth, and then ran to put some clothes on. Throwing on the school uniform was easiest, and it made sense on the first day anyways. Once she was dressed, she came out of her bedroom and was surprised to find James there, lounging on the couch.

"You waited for me?" she asked breathlessly.

"Of course. I can't be showing up to breakfast before you! It would totally ruin all of my rebellious credibility." Lily rolled her eyes at that but she was glad that James had waited for her all the same. They left their dorm at 7:45, and only just made it to breakfast by 8, sliding into seats at the Gryffindor table right as McGonagall came towards them with their schedules.

"Ah, there you are. Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans." McGonagall handed them their schedules and then headed down the Gryffindor table to keep handing others out. Lily unrolled her piece of paper eagerly. She already knew which courses she was taking—Charms and Potions of course, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Ancient Runes, and Astronomy. Charms and Potions were her first and last classes of the day, so they bookended her schedule nicely.

"Ugh, I can't believe you're still taking History of Magic," James said, peering over Lily's shoulder at her schedule. "That class is so incredibly boring. I dropped it the moment I could."

"Well, considering that all I ever known before coming to Hogwarts was the Muggle world, I think that History of Magic is pretty damn interesting. We don't all come from wizarding families who can pass down knowledge to us you know."

"Alright, that's a fair point. But you can't deny that Binns is probably the most boring entity in existence. I mean, how could someone even die and not realize it?"

Lily chuckled. "What are you taking?"

"A lot of the same as you. Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, Defense, but also Herbology, Muggle Studies, and Care of Magical Creatures. And I really need to do well this year, I want to become an Auror once I leave school."

"An Auror?" Lily asked, impressed. She thought about how James had stood up for her against Regulus on the train. "Somehow I can totally picture you as an Auror." And suddenly Lily remembered that she still hadn't talked to Professor Dumbledore about Regulus. She sat up from the table, yelling "See you in class!" to James, before quickly making her way towards Dumbledore's office.

She made it all the way to the gargoyle before she remembered that she didn't know the password. She grunted in frustration, turning to the gargoyle and asking it, "Hi, my name is Lily Potter and I'm the Head Girl. It's really important that I speak with Professor Dumbledore. Is there any way that you can let me into his office?" The gargoyle just started back at her, unmoving. "Of course that didn't work," Lily muttered under her breath. "I'm just standing here talking to hunk of stone after all."

"Are you all right, my dear?" a voice asked from behind Lily. She jumped, and turned around to see Professor Dumbledore walking towards her. "Professor! You scared me!" Lily gasped. Dumbledore smiled kindly down at her. "Believe me, that was not my intention my dear. I believe I overheard you telling the gargoyle that you had something urgent to discuss with me?"

"Yes, yes that's right," Lily stammered.

"In that case, let's not waste any more time just standing here!" Dumbledore swept over to the gargoyle and said, clearly, "Phoenix feather." The gargoyle sprang aside, revealing the spiral staircase that led up to Dumbledore's office. Lily followed him up the stairs and once they were inside his office, Dumbledore turned to her and asked what the problem was.

"Well, you see, sir… Yesterday, on the train, James and I were leaving the meeting with the other prefects when we heard what sounded like dueling. We followed the noises and found Sirius and his brother Regulus going at it in one of the compartments. James and I intervened. Apparently he had been saying some pretty foul things about Sirius' girlfriend, and he even called me… a Mudblood. I took points from Slytherin but I wanted to come and tell you what happened. He broke the rules and is clearly harboring some hateful views. I'm not sure what you'll be able to do, but I just felt like you should know."

All while Lily was talking, Dumbledore had paced around his office, but once she was finished he stopped, looked at her, and clasped his hands together gravely. "As you know, we live in dark times, Ms. Evans. It does indeed seem as though Regulus has been corrupted by hate. I'm terribly sorry he called you that word, as no one should ever be made to feel as though they are less than or do not belong. As for a punishment… I'll see what I can do, but I doubt that anything will hold real weight. He may be too far gone."

Lily sighed. "Okay. Well, thank you for listening to me. I need to get to class now." When she turned and walked out the door, Dumbledore hadn't moved. He was looking down at the floor, seemingly lost in deep thought. Seeing the strongest man she knew look like that made her slightly worried.

She walked into Charms with only moments to spare. She slid into a seat beside Alice, who turned to her and whispered, "I saw you run out of the Great Hall. Is everything okay?"

Lily replied, "I had to go talk to Dumbledore about the… incident that happened on the Hogwarts Express yesterday. He looked kind of worried when I left his office. I spent all summer in the Muggle world… I wonder if things out there could be a lot more worse than we realize."

Alice frowned, and was about to respond when Professor Flitwick called the class to attention. "Greetings, seventh years!" he squeaked in his high-pitched voice. "I hope all of you had a pleasant summer, and I trust that you are also ready to get back to work. N.E.W.T.s are nothing to joke about, so we are going to be working very hard throughout the school year to ensure that each and every one of you will be going into the exam as prepared as can possibly be. Today we're diving right in, and we're going to be working on the Hardening charm! This spell, when cast correctly, will turn any object to stone. As you can see, I've provided pillows that you can all work with. The incantation and wandwork are as follows. Duro!" Professor Flitwick shouted, making a straight horizontal slashing motion with his wand, moving his wrist from left to right. Instantly the pillow in front of him turned to stone.

"Imagine if someone actually turned the pillows on your bed to stone!" Sirius whispered to James, laughing.

"You know me, I just dive right into bed and don't think twice. I'd probably give myself a giant bruise on my face at the best!" James replied. Lily rolled her eyes at this, and James caught them and gave her a wink. She turned her head, not wanting James to see the gentle blush that had started creeping up her cheeks. What was happening to her? Was it possible that she could actually find James Potter funny?

The rest of the first day of classes passed without incident, although Remus was suspiciously absent from all of them. Lily even asked James about it, but all he did was issue an "Oh, I'm not sure," in a manner that was entirely unconvincing. Lily filed that information away for later use.

That night, she was up late reading _Hogwarts, A History_ again, trying to see if there was anything more that she could learn about the castle in her last year. The full moon shone in through her bedroom window, mingling with the soft light from the oil lamp burning on her bedside table. She got the sudden urge to go the bathroom, and was opening up her bedroom door to do so, when she saw James' bedroom door swing open mysteriously. Curious about what she seeing, she closed her door to a crack and peered out. After a few moments, the door to their dormitory swung open unprompted as well. What on earth was going on?

Lily shut her bedroom door and paced around for a few minutes, trying to figure out what she had just seen. It obviously wasn't one of the ghosts, since she would have seen them. And they couldn't even open doors, for that matter. She saw _Hogwarts, A History_, still lying open on her bed and grabbed it, turning to the index to see if there was anything there that might help her figure out what was going. But no, there was nothing in the book that talked about doors mysteriously swinging open on their own.

Wait… could it have been James in an invisibility cloak? Lily knew that they were incredibly rare, but James came from an old wizarding family, and they were rich from his father inventing Sleekeazy's Hair Potion. Lily wondered if this was something James did often, sneaking around the castle at night with his friends. She figured it probably was. And then, she started thinking about Remus, and how he wasn't in classes today… Those two things had to be connected. But how? And that's when the light of the full moon shining through her window caught Lily's attention.

"Full moon…" she whispered to herself, and then walked out into the common room to the enchanted bookcase. "Can I please have a copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ by Newt Scamander?" she asked. It immediately shimmered into existence on the shelf. Lily grabbed it and flipped to the section about werewolves. She scanned down the page until she got to the part about how to distinguish a werewolf.

"It is fairly difficult to tell if someone is a werewolf based only the human form. In the days surrounding the full moon, a werewolf will most likely look ill, appear much more pale and sickly than usual. There is a werewolf registry in existence at the Ministry of Magic of course, but it is highly problematic, so if you are looking for a specific werewolf, odds are their name will not appear on the list. Once transformed, however, there are a number of identifying characteristics that can be used to distinguish a werewolf from a true wolf. These include the werewolf's tufted tail, shorter and thinner snout shape, and the smaller pupils of its eyes. If you ever encounter a werewolf, try and remain calm and contact the Ministry as soon as possible. The werewolf's human side will be incredibly suppressed and it will not think twice about harming you."

Lily thought back to all the times throughout the last seven years when Lupin had looked ill or had been missing from school. She had never asked him about it, since they weren't too close and she knew that would have been incredibly impolite. But now, after reading the excerpt from the book, she couldn't help but think that there had certainly been some cyclicality to the timing of Remus' absences.

Well, now that she had this theory, what could she even do about it? She still wasn't going to confront Remus— it was his information to share and his alone. But, it was clear that James was sneaking out to see him, which wasn't exactly surprising. It was just like James Potter to put himself in danger on purpose. Lily climbed into bed, mind still spinning. She wasn't sure if she ever really fell asleep, she suspected that she was subconsciously listening for the door to open again, but she never heard it. She finally dragged herself out of bed at seven in the morning to get ready.

All day she was basically on autopilot, thinking about what, if anything, she would say to James when she saw him that night. The classes she had today were the ones that weren't with him, and she had made sure to leave their dorm before running into him in the morning. She didn't take a single note during the entirety of history of magic, instead staring out onto the grounds towards the forest.

Her mind was full of questions that had she had no way to get answers for. When was Remus bitten? How had he even been allowed to come to school? Did Dumbledore know? Well, he probably had to have been the one who allowed it, but did any of the other teachers? Did it matter to her if he was a werewolf? How could James be so stupid as to potentially see him on the night of the full moon? And on and on and on.

After dinner, Lily found herself sitting in the common room of her and James' dorm. She was trying to read the Transfiguration textbook when James came out of the bathroom. He had clearly just gotten out of the shower, since he was shirtless, had a towel around his waist, and his hair appeared a little bit damp. Lily tried to just ignore him, since she was still unsure about how she wanted to engage in this incredibly strange and confusing conversation. But when he turned his back to open the door to his bedroom, Lily couldn't help but gasp.

His entire back was covered in scratches and scabs, and they looked fresh. Based on the way they were positioned, it was almost like something had dragged him on his back across the ground for several feet. But Lily didn't know anything that could drag with enough force to do the damage she was looking at… except maybe a werewolf.

Immediately she shot up from the couch and walked over to him. "Oh my god, James, what on earth happened to your back?"

"It's nothing," James winced, clearly in some pain and also embarrassed that Lily had seen his injuries. "I just got a little banged up on the Quidditch pitch today." Maybe Lily would have believed him, had it not been for the way he averted his gaze.

Lily crossed her arms and stared and James defiantly. "You're lying, I know you are. If you don't want to tell me, fine, but those cuts look pretty bad. You should go and see Madame Pomfrey at the very least."

James shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not?" Lily probed.

"Because she'll ask me how it happened and I can't tell her the truth. And as you just witnessed, I'm a terrible liar."

"Why can't you tell her the truth? Or me, for that matter?"

James just shook his head sadly. "It could get me into more trouble than I've ever been in at Hogwarts."

In that moment, Lily knew that she had been right. Remus was a werewolf. But Lily wasn't sure if he had actually been the cause of James' injuries. Either way, she was now determined to find out more information from James. "Does this have anything to do with the fact that Remus is a werewolf?" she asked quietly.

The look that came across James' face was one of absolute disbelief. "What? How-how… I don't… How could you possibly find that out?"

"Oh, well I put it together last night," said Lily, airily. "You know, when I saw your door opening of its own free will."

James staggered towards the couch and practically fell on to it, shell-shocked. "How?" seemed to be the only thing he was able to ask.

"Well, after I saw your door open by itself, I figured that you must have an invisibility cloak. Your family is a pretty old one and also rich, so it would make sense that you would have one. And it wasn't at all surprising that you would use it to sneak around the castle after dark. I figured that it had to be connected to Remus missing class somehow, and while I was staring out of my window at the full moon, it hit me. I double-checked the possible signs of lycanthropy, and remembered all of the other times that Remus has missed class or looked ill. They all coincided with a full moon. What I don't understand, is why on earth would you be sneaking out of the castle to go and meet a werewolf on the night of its transformation? Don't you know how incredibly dangerous that is?

James sighed. "Since you somehow managed to guess correctly about all of that, I think that now I have to fill you in, but at least let me go put on some pants first." He ducked into his bedroom to change quickly, coming back out with a pair of sweatpants on and taking a seat on the couch once again. Lily sat down across from him expectantly.

"Obviously, being friends with Remus for as long as we have been, Sirius, Peter, and I figured that there was something odd going on with him from the start. We figured out that he was a werewolf maybe around our third year. And when we confronted him about it, well… he nearly broke down. It was horrible, Lily. Knowing that one of my best friends was having to endure these awful transformations alone.

"The three of us wanted to help somehow, but knew that it would be completely impossible as humans. For a while we weren't sure what to do, but at least Remus was happy that he didn't have to hide this huge secret from us anymore. After learning that Professor McGonagall was an Animagus during a Transfiguration lesson, we figured it out. Sirius, Peter and I could become Animagi. If we were in animal form when Remus was a werewolf, he wouldn't be dangerous to us. And Sirius and I planned on turning into larger animals, so we would be able to keep him in check.

"During fifth year we finally managed the transformation. And ever since then, we've been able to keep Lupin company during the full moon. Amazingly, he's never once hurt us, and it makes all of us happy knowing that he doesn't have to be alone."

"What are the scratches on your back, then?" Lily asked. "Remus didn't do that?"

"Oh, god no!" James chuckled. "You see, there had to be a safe place around Hogwarts where Remus could be taken to transform. He got bitten when he was really young, before he ever came to Hogwarts, and you know Dumbledore— he didn't want to have to turn Remus away just because he's different. Every month, Remus gets taken to and from the Shrieking Shack by Madame Pomfrey to transform. There's a secret passageway that leads there, and the entrance is right above the Whomping Willow."

"The Whomping Willow?" Lily was confused. "How do you access the passageway without, you know, getting whomped?"

"There's a small knot on the base of the tree that causes it to freeze when pressed. Usually we get Peter to do it, but he was missing last night…" James brow furrowed in concern. "I'm not quite sure where he was, but Sirius and I tried to freeze the tree ourselves and wound up getting thrown around."

"How could Peter be able to freeze the tree?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention— Peter's animagus is a rat. It's super easy for him to dart in between the branches of the tree and touch the knot."

"And what are your and Sirius' animagi?"

"Sirius turns into a big black dog, and I turn into a silver stag."

"A silver stag?" Lily snickered, and James bristled slightly at her response.

"Hey, like I said, I needed to pick an animal that would be large enough to restrain a werewolf, if necessary!"

"And you can't go to Madame Pomfrey to get your cuts healed because…?"

"Are you crazy? I already said I can't tell her the truth! If anyone finds out that the three of us have been sneaking around the castle every month, and running around with a werewolf, we'll be expelled for sure!"

"So why are you telling me, then? What makes you think that I won't march up to Dumbledore's office right now and spill everything you just said to me?"

"Well, because… I trust you," said James plainly. "And I think you know how much that would hurt Remus. He'd be more alone and isolated than ever. You're the kind of person who would never inflict that kind of feeling upon someone." As much as it pained Lily to admit, James was right. She could never tell Dumbledore knowing that she would be putting Remus and Sirius through even more pain.

"You're right… I guess I won't tell Dumbledore. But you have to do something for me in return."

"What is it?"

"During every full moon, if I'm sleeping, you need to wake me up before you leave and after you come back. Just in case something ever goes wrong, you need someone to know what you're doing."

"Deal! Wow, it feels so good to finally tell someone. You have no idea what it's like to carry around a secret that heavy for so long." James got up to walk back into his room but Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him back down on to the couch.

"Wait a second, you don't get to walk away so quickly. You still need to do something about those cuts— I think I have some salve that I got in Diagon Alley before the school year started that's supposed to help heal cuts quickly. Let me go look in my trunk. I'll be right back."

Lily walked into her bedroom, and rummaged around in her trunk until she found the tube she was looking for. She walked back out into the common room, sat down next to James on the couch again, and physically turned him so that his back was facing towards her. She squeezed out only a little of the cream, since she knew it was really potent, and started to rub it on James' wounds. He winced slightly as she did so. As she rubbed, Lily couldn't help but feel James' back muscles underneath her fingertips. His skin was surprisingly soft, and he smelled fresh and clean from the shower. She got caught staring at the back of his neck, wondering what it would be like to run her fingers though his hair there... And suddenly she snapped back to reality, wondering how she got so caught up in the moment in the first place.

"Um, you're all set," Lily said, clearing her throat. Already the cuts on James' back were starting to close. James stood up and again turned to walk into his bedroom, but again Lily stopped him. "Wait, one more thing. I was wondering…" she started, somewhat nervously, "Would you show me your animagus form?"

James considered it for a moment. It seemed strangely personal and intimate, to transform in front of this girl that he had such strong feelings for. Like he would be baring a part of his soul that very few people on earth had ever witnessed. But, as he said earlier, James did feel like he could trust Lily. And he was going to keep this secret for him, which was something he knew few people would do. He sighed. "Okay. But we have to move some of this furniture back so I'll fit."

Together they pushed the couch and table towards the sides of the room, creating a big open space in front of the fireplace. James stood in the center, took a deep breath, and said, "Here goes." As with all Animagus transformations, it was basically instantaneous. His arms came forward, and all four appendages lengthened into slender legs ending in hooves. His nose elongated and two massive horns sprouted out of his head. Now, there was a beautiful silver stag standing in the living room.

Lily couldn't help but marvel at the creature that stood in front of her. He was breathtakingly beautiful, but Lily didn't want to say so since she was worried it would further inflate James' already large head. She moved towards him, reaching out to run her hands over his soft, soft coat. He nuzzled into her touch gently and she laughed. She walked around towards his head, and stared up at his antlers. Her eyes were almost on level his, that's how tall he was. She stared into their liquid blackness for a second… And then, just like that, the moment was over. James turned back into himself and Lily backed away awkwardly. Suddenly she caught sight of the clock on the mantle.

"Holy crap, how is it 11:30 already? I need to get ready for bed. This has definitely been a weird night, but… I'm glad that you told me what's been going on."

James just smiled. "I just filled in some gaps. I can't believe that you figured it out all on your own in the first place. I always knew you were smart, but that's just plain incredible."

Lily was slightly taken aback by the compliment, but she managed to nod and reply, "Thank you. I'm going to bed now, so goodnight."

"Goodnight," James said, chuckling as he walked into his room and closed the door. Lily stood still for a second, processing everything that had happened within the past hour or so, and then took a deep breath and walked into her own bedroom. Knowing that she finally had answers to the questions that had been plaguing her all day, Lily fell asleep almost immediately, but in James' room it was another story.

He was lying in bed, wide awake, running over all of the night's events in his mind. The way that Lily had just accepted the truth so easily, and hadn't freaked out at all, it was amazing. And the fact that she seemed worried about him getting hurt… He didn't want to read too deeply into it, but that didn't seem like something that just a friend would do. And when she had rubbed that salve on his back, it had taken nearly everything in his power not to melt under her hands. He fell asleep trying to desperately squash the little blossom of hope that was blooming in his mind, the blossom that was saying he might have a chance with Lily Evans.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning, as Lily and James were walking out of their door, James turned to Lily and said, "I want you to know that I'm going to tell Remus that you learned about what's going on with him. I'm sure that he'll want to find you at some point today to talk about it, so if he does, just be kind, okay? You're only like the fifth person here to learn the truth, and I know that he wouldn't want anything to change between the two of you."

"Okay," Lily sighed, already dreading the conversation. And sure enough, when they walked into the Great Hall, James walked over to Sirius, Remus, and Peter and pulled them down to the edge of the table where they could talk in private. Lily shook her head and slid in next to Alice and Veronica.

"You okay Lils?" Alice asked. "You look exhausted."

"Actually, I slept like a baby last night," Lily replied.

"So did I," said Veronica grumpily.

"Something wrong with that?" Lily asked her friend, confused.

"Well, I thought that Sirius and I were going to… sneak off somewhere last night, but he cancelled on me at the last minute and I have no idea why. I was hoping to be up late, having fun, but no. I was asleep by eleven." Veronica sighed.

Lily knew why Sirius hadn't showed, but of course she couldn't tell her friend the real reason why. All she could say was, "That stinks Ronnie, I'm sorry. I'm sure he'll be around tonight though."

On the way to Charms after breakfast, Remus came up to walk beside Lily, leaning down to whisper in her ear, "James talked to all of us, and told us you figured out my… condition… all on your own. I can't say I'm terribly surprised, but I just want to tell you how much it means to me that you would keep this secret. James, Sirius, and Peter mean everything to me."

Lily smiled up at Remus. "Of course. I know how important friends are. You don't have to thank me, I just want to make sure you all stay safe and look out for one another."

"A lot of people might start thinking differently about me, once they learned what you did."

Lily laid a reassuring hand on Remus' arm. "Why on earth would I think any differently about you? You're the same person I've known for the last 6 years. You're kind and good, and I know you would never do anything to hurt anyone on purpose." Remus looked visibly relieved, and the two walked the rest of the way to class in comfortable silence.

The next few months passed without any major incidents. All of the seventh years were working hard, and Lily and James were getting along well—spending a lot of time together in their dormitory studying. Eventually the second week in November came along, and with it a Hogsmede visit! That Monday before the weekend, Lily and her friends were sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast discussing what they wanted to do in the village on Saturday. Right as they were getting into the conversation, James and Sirius walked up.

"What are you ladies talking about?" asked Sirius, as he and James slid into seats across from the four chatting girls.

"We were just talking about our plans for Hogsmede this weekend," said Alice. "Obviously I'm going to be going with Frank, and it's our 8-month anniversary, so I think we're going to go to Madame Puddifoot's."

Behind Alice's back, Veronica pretended to vomit. Although her and Sirius were pretty serious, that kind of date made both of them want to perform _sectumsempra_ on one another rather than suffer through the pain.

"And Mary and I are going to have a nice girl's day together," Lily chimed in, smiling at her friend. "It's been a while since we've been able to hangout just the two of us."

"Yeah, we both want to go and look at new dress robes—we're probably going to need them at the end of the year once we start going on job interviews. Plus, we'll go to Honeydukes, and probably get lunch at the Three Broomsticks. I'm sure it'll be a great day!" said Mary, excitedly.

Veronica turned towards James, eyeing him with her signature piercing gaze. "And what about you, James?" she asked, somewhat mischievously. "Do you have plans with anyone?"

Lily's ears perked up when she heard Veronica ask James that, but she tried not to let her potential interest in the conversation show. As Veronica stared at him, determine to get an answer, James started to blush. "Er… I do have a date to go to Hogsmede with, actually." Immediately Lily became swept up in examining the condition of her nails.

"Really? With who?" Veronica leaned forward excitedly.

Sirius rolled his eyes at her. "Really, Ronnie, I've never known anyone else who loves gossip as much as you do." Ronnie just stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend and motioned for James to start talking.

"It's with a Ravenclaw sixth-year. She seems nice."

"Name?" Veronica prompted impatiently.

"Sam. Sam Abernathy. She's on the Quidditch team and we started talking after the Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw match a few weeks ago."

"Not that I can't think of anything more that I would love to discuss," said Sirius dryly, "But has anyone been reading the Daily Prophet lately? Because it sounds like these random Muggle attacks are getting more and more common."

The conversation shifted to world affairs, but Lily still couldn't bring herself to engage, too caught up in her own thoughts. Mary noticed that her friend looked distressed, and as everyone was exiting the Great Hall to head to class, Mary caught Lily's arm. "Are you okay?" she asked Lily, looking concerned.

Lily bit her lip, deliberating for a moment, and then grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her into a spare classroom right outside the Great Hall's entrance. Peeves was in there, zooming around, but after Lily threatened to call Professor Dumbledore downstairs to deal with him, he exited the room after blowing the two girls a giant raspberry. Now that the room was mercifully clear, Lily sat down on one of the desks, shoulders slumping dejectedly.

"I think…. I think that I might have feelings for James," she whispered, barely audible. From the painful way her face screwed up as she said the words, Mary suspected that this was the first time that she had dared utter that sentiment at all.

"Oh Lils," Mary sighed, going to sit beside her friend and placing one of her arms across Lily's shoulders. Lily leaned into Mary heavily.

"I just don't know what to do," Lily said heavily. "This whole situation is so mixed up. I finally start seeing James in a different way, and of course, as soon as that happens, I find out that he's made plans with some other girl. I know it was selfish of me to think that he'd wait around for me forever, but in all our years at Hogwarts… his feelings for me always seemed to be a constant."

"Well, even if his feelings were a constant, James has never been shy about dating other girls. At this, point, I'm honestly a little surprised there's anyone left at school he hasn't dated. And it's not like you've ever given him any reason to think that you might like him in that way before," Mary stated, all in her extremely practical way. "It sounds to me like these feelings are pretty new. I think you should take a little bit of time to figure out if they're real. After all, this Hogsmede date is just that. Don't get all worked up about it for nothing."

Lily frowned, trying to consider what her friend was saying. She did want to take time to work out her feelings, since she was hoping she was crazy, being deluded into thinking that she liked James purely because of all of the time she spent in close proximity to him. The fact that she hated him for so many years stayed steadfast in her mind, since she was unable to realize what a great many people have learned the hard way—hatred and love are not as opposite as many would believe them to be. Her mother's words came back to her in that moment, and Lily sighed, hating the fact that her mother always seemed to be right.

Much of the week was spent with Lily fretting in her bedroom, unable to act normally around James for fear that some small slip would betray her inner turmoil. She oscillated wildly between periods of intense interest in him, her brain accurately aware of anything having to do with James Potter, and a determination to remove him from her mind completely—which often failed, Lily's thoughts turning once more to her feelings about that dratted boy. In her emotional state, the days passed quickly, and before Lily knew it, it was Saturday, time to exit the castle and make the winding walk down to the road to the village.

The weather reflected her mood—gray and windy—and although Mary tried to engage her in cheery conversation, Lily's eyes remained intensely focused on the backs of James and Sam, who were walking a few paces ahead, and by all accounts appeared to be greatly enjoying each other's company. They chatted easily, with snatches of laughter occasionally drifting backwards on the wind into Lily's ears. James kept reaching up to play with his hair, a sign that Lily knew to mean he was intent on impressing this girl. Putting her head down and grimacing slightly, Lily kept walking, so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't even realize Mary was attempting to talk to her.

"What?" Lily snapped angrily, after her friend had put her hand concernedly on Lily's shoulder. The look in Lily's eyes was so hurt, angry, and confused that Mary almost stopped in her tracks, inwardly pitying the emotional distress her friend was going through. Seeing the way Mary was staring at her made Lily's face soften immediately, and she said, "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry. I'm just so confused, and I don't know what to do."

"I do!" said Mary excitedly, the perfect Hogsmede activity coming to her in a moment.

"What?" asked Lily, somewhat wary of what her friend might possibly suggest.

"We're going to go to the Three Broomsticks, order a couple of Butterbeers, and then stuff ourselves with some delicious shepherd's pie," Mary replied, grinning.

"But if James is there?" The note of anxiety in Lily's voice as she said those words was extremely apparent.

"I don't think he will be. Veronica said that she heard James mentioning to Sirius that he thought him and Sam would most likely be wandering around the village all day—apparently both of them have a fair amount of shopping to do. And if James does come in, well, then you and I will make our swift departure!" Mary was looking at her with such a look of excitement, desperate to cheer up her dejected friend, that Lily couldn't help but smile.

"All right," she acquiesced. "Butterbeer and shepherd's pie does sound like a pretty delightful afternoon."

The rest of the walk, Lily was in considerably better spirits, bantering along with her friend in her usual easy way. Since James and Sam were still walking ahead of the two of them, Lily saw that they mercifully passed by the entrance to the pub, seeming to head towards the Quidditch shop instead. Lily and Mary opened the door to the Three Broomsticks, a wave of warm scented air washing over them. They hurried inside, wanting to make sure they secured a table before the pub was entirely bombarded by other Hogwarts students. It was only when the pair was securely seated in a table towards the back of the room that Lily was able to fully relax.

Mary headed off the bar to grab drinks, returning with two butterbeers in each hand. "I know we're each going to have at least two anyways, so I figured I might as well make things quicker for us." Lily laughed and shook her head good-naturedly at her friend's pragmatism. She took one of the bottles and clinked it against Mary's, hoping that a nice drink and some comfort food would do her good.

For the next hour the two joked and laughed, with Mary doing a spot-on impression of Professor McGonagall that nearly made Lily snort butterbeer out of her nose. They had just finished they first round of drinks when Mary got up to get another round, leaving Lily alone at the table. She was absentmindedly fiddling with the label on her bottle when she heard the tell-tale jingle of the front door being open. She glanced up, and who should walk through the door just then but James Potter, laughing and grinning with Sam. Lily's heart skipped a beat and she started frantically scanning the pub for Mary, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Forcing her eyes back down to the table, Lily tried to calm all of the thoughts that were racing through her mind. It felt like her flight-or-fight response had kicked in and every muscle in her body was telling her to run for the door right then and there. She managed to keep her eyes on the table for a few moments, but temptation got the better of her and when she raised her head, she immediately zeroed in on James and Sam. They were sitting a few tables across from her, with the back of Sam's head facing Lily. This meant that James was able to see her perfectly.

He caught her eye from across the room, cocking his head quizzically since he could clearly tell that something was wrong with Lily. She quickly turned away, trying to make herself seem busy, and James just gave a tiny shrug and turned to focus his attention back towards Sam. He figured that she was upset about something school-related, never guessing that Lily's mind was a torment of confusion and anger—all because of him.

Minutes later, and Mary still hadn't returned. Lily felt herself becoming more and more desperate by the second. She absolutely had to get out of there, but she didn't want to leave without telling her friend where she'd gone. And then she saw it. Sam reaching across the table to take James' hand, and James eagerly gripping it back in return. That little gesture was too much. Lily got up abruptly, making quite a clatter as her chair was pushed back away from the table, and nearly sprinted towards the door, unaware that there were tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

Outside it had begun to rain, light, misty drops that immediately soaked the outside of Lily's clothes and made her hair fall limply around her face. She set out back towards Hogwarts, completely unaware of her surroundings, not even realizing that someone had followed her out of the Three Broomsticks until there was a hand on her shoulder and a voice saying, "Lily? Are you alright?"

Unfortunately for Lily, the voice wasn't female. And because of that, she figured it might belong the very person she was dreading to see in her bedraggled state. Slowly she turned, coming face to face with James, who stared down at her with a concerned look on his face.

"I saw you run out of the pub crying. I know you said you came into Hogsmede with Mary today but I didn't see her anywhere so I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Wow, how awfully kind of you," Lily muttered, nearly under her breath.

"I'm sorry, what?" James responded, seeming confused.

"It's just, you've really changed, you know that? Last year you wouldn't have cared one bit if I had come into the Great Hall wailing during breakfast, and now all of a sudden you leave a date waiting to come and see why I'm crying? I mean, what are you possibly playing at?"

James took a step backward, appearing absolutely bewildered. "I thought… I mean we've become friends this year, haven't we?"

"I guess so, but—"

"So then I care about you, obviously."

"And that's what makes all of this so hard," Lily sighed.

James just stood there dumbfounded, rain dripping off of his bangs and onto his forehead. "Lily, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about right now, but clearly you're upset, so why don't you come back into the pub with me and we can try and find Mary together—"

"I think I might like you, okay?" The words exploded out of Lily with such strength and voracity that she was surprised that she had even said them.

"You… you what?" was all James could ask.

"And now it's this big complicated mess, because you clearly don't have feelings for me anymore, which I should be happy about after you harassing me for so many years. I spent the last week trying to figure out whether or not what I was feeling was even real, but seeing you in there with Sam… it convinced me. It hurt to see you with another girl. Which is crazy, because I've watched you snog half of the girls in the school for the past six years and that never irritated me at all. Funny how things change, isn't it?"

After that outburst, Lily couldn't even bear to look James in the eye, so she quickly turned and walked back towards Hogwarts. She never heard any footsteps coming after her, so she didn't look back. If she had, she would have seen James standing out in the rain for several minutes, seemingly unable to do anything except blink and stare off into nothing. Lily didn't know that he never went back into the pub himself, leaving Sam waiting there all alone, but rather wandering around the village for hours trying to figure out everything that Lily had said to him in those few intense moments.

As soon as Lily got back to the castle, she headed immediately to her dorm room. She figured that James wouldn't be back for a few hours—plenty of time to take a nice hot shower, and then lay in her bed for the foreseeable future. She suspected Mary would come looking for her, but Lily wasn't in the mood for human interaction. Mary would hear everything in due time, but for now, Lily just wanted to be alone.

Lily was asleep when James arrived back into her dormitory, but she woke up when she heard knocking on her bedroom door. Groggily, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table and saw it was 11:30pm. She stayed silent though, figuring it was James and not wanting to know that she was there. After a few knocks, James said, "Lily, I'm not sure if you're in there or not… But if you are, it's the full moon, so I'm heading out for the night. I'll let you know when I get back in, like always. And, if you want to talk about what happened earlier today…" he trailed off awkwardly, and said no more. After sitting up for a few moments, staring into the dark, Lily laid back down, wrapped herself in her covers, and managed to fall back asleep, not wanting to think any more about what had happened that day.

A ray of sunlight hitting her face through her open curtains was what woke Lily up the following morning. She again looked at her clock and saw that it was 8am. She almost rolled over and went back to sleep, until she remembered… she wasn't sure if James had ever knocked on her door again to tell her that he was back in the dormitory for the night.

Slightly concerned, she put on a robe and walked out into the common room. The door to James' bedroom stood ajar, his bed still freshly made, clearly unslept in. Lily tried not to panic, but she couldn't help the feeling of unease that was slowly creeping up inside of her. She told herself she would check Gryffindor tower first, and then if James wasn't there she would go right to Professor Dumbledore. That was the deal that she and James had made, after all.

Walking out of the dormitory with purpose, Lily walked across the castle to the Gryffindor common room, telling the Fat Lady "Mandrake" so that portrait door slid open. The common room was fairly empty; no doubt people were sleeping in late, taking advantage of the Sunday morning. Frank Longbottom was awake and sitting in the common room, however, and Lily made a beeline for him.

"Frank! Hi! I know that this might sound odd, but have you seen James at all this morning? He's not in our dorm and I have something really important to tell him. I figured he'd be here with the marauders."

"I haven't seen him," Frank said. "And come to think of it, I haven't seen Black, Lupin, or Pettigrew either… when I walked by their dormitory this morning all of the beds were definitely empty."

"Alright, thanks for your help Frank. James must be somewhere else, I'll go and look for him." Turning quickly back the way she came, Lily tried to hurry to Dumbledore's office as fast as she could without sprinting. She rounded a corner so fast, however, that she managed to smack directly into Professor McGonagall, and nearly sent her tumbling down onto the floor.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Professor," Lily gasped, a look of absolute horror on her face. "I was in such a rush to get to Dumbledore's office that I didn't even see you!"

"And why, might I ask, were you hurrying to Dumbledore's office in the first place?"

"It's James, Professor." Lily couldn't disguise the look of naked worry that flashed across her face. "It doesn't look like he slept in our dormitory last night and I don't know where he is. I think Professor Dumbledore should know."

"Oh, believe me, the headmaster knows exactly where Mr. Potter is, Ms. Evans," McGonagall replied, somewhat icily.

"He does?" asked Lily, seeming confused.

"Oh yes. Mr. Potter is currently sitting in the headmaster's office, discussing a variety of events that took place on the castle grounds last night. I daresay he shall be there for a while longer, so if you are waiting for him, Ms. Evans, might I suggest returning to your dormitory, where he will undoubtedly be sent once the headmaster has finished with him."

McGonagall seemed angry, as she was bound to be if the truth of James' nighttime capers had been fully revealed. Not wanting to say anything she shouldn't, Lily only questioned, "But he's alright, isn't he? Not hurt, or anything?"

The professor sighed, her mouth straightening into its characteristically thin line. "No, miraculously James is uninjured. Considering everything that transpired last night, he is lucky not to be. Now, return to your dormitory Ms. Evans. I need to go meet with Mr. Potter and the headmaster to determine a course of action for this situation."

Horribly perplexed, Lily walked back to her dorm in a haze, trying to process everything that McGonagall had said to her. It was unclear whether James was in trouble with Dumbledore or not, though clearly something very intense had happened last night. Her trip around the castle had taken longer than she thought, so she was surprised when she arrived back in her dormitory and saw that the clock now read 8:45. Knowing that there was really nothing she could do now except for wait, Lily resigned herself to puttering around the room, trying to find ways to fill the time until James would arrive.

Finally, more than hour later, around 10, Lily heard the door swing open. She had been lying on her bed, staring up with the ceiling, but immediately sat up with a start and bounded off into the common room. From the moment Lily laid eyes on James she could tell that he'd been through an ordeal. His entire body seemed to sag with exhaustion, and when his eyes met hers, they were nearly bloodshot with tiredness. The sheer relief at seeing him in front of her, alive, made Lily want to run and envelope him into a massive hug, but a tension still hung in the air from the events of the day before. The only thing Lily could do was quietly say, "I'm so glad you're alright. When I woke up this morning and you weren't here I didn't know what to do. What happened to you last night?"

James sighed, exhaling out for as long as he possibly could. "I'll tell you everything. But first, we should probably sit down." He walked towards the couch and collapsed on top of it entirely, leaving Lily to take an easy chair. As he spoke, his face was turned upward towards the ceiling, since he couldn't bear to see Lily's reactions to the story he was about to recount.

"Last night, Sirius almost killed Snape." The words hung there in the air for a moment. Lily was too shocked to respond, so there was silence before James continued. "It wasn't entirely on purpose—Snape has been sniffing about the Marauders for years, trying everything he can think of to get us in trouble and maybe even kicked out of school. Sirius had enough of it, so I guess today he staged a conversation with Peter that he knew Snape would be sure to overhear. Sirius said something to Peter about the secret passageway under the Whomping Willow, and how he would be using it to leave the castle tonight. Snape probably thought that this would be his opportunity to catch Sirius red-handed and make him pay for all of the times we've teased and bullied him.

"I guess either Sirius forgot about the full moon tonight, or he honestly just didn't care. Probably figured it'd be funny to see Snape freak out at the sight of a werewolf, knowing that someone would be there to stop Lupin so Snape wouldn't actually get hurt. But the thing is, Madame Pomfrey always takes Lupin to the Shrieking Shack early so that he can transform. So when Snape started climbing into the tunnel, none of us would have been waiting to restrain Lupin at the end of it.

"We were about to go down ourselves when I looked over Sirius and noticed that he was pale and sweaty. It looked like something was really eating away at him so I prodded and teased until he told me what he'd done. Look… you know I've never liked Snape (and simultaneously both Lily and James' minds flashed back to that incident during their fifth year) but it's not like I've ever wanted him dead. Immediately after Sirius told me what he'd done, I ran into the tunnel to try and get to Snape before it was too late. Lupin never sensed him, luckily, but Snape did get a glimpse of Lupin transforming. I managed to tackle him and grab him back into the tunnel to safety.

"The walk back towards school was horrible. The look in Snape's eyes… I've never seen anything like it. Almost like he would have preferred death over me being the one who saved him. When we reached the Whomping Willow, Dumbledore was already there, waiting for Snape and I. Sirius must have run up to the castle after I went down to try and find Snape, figuring that Dumbledore would be able to help with whatever wound up happening. I don't think I've ever seen him look so angry.

"I just spent the last few hours in his office talking about everything. Well, nearly everything. I didn't tell him that Sirius, Peter, and I are animagi. I know that's terrible but I was afraid that if I told him, everyone's punishments would be even worse. Sirius barely escaped getting kicked out of school, and I know that he majorly messed up but it's not like he has anyone else in the wizarding world to rely on except for me. It just all feels so surreal."

Somehow Lily had managed to keep quiet throughout the entire story. James had purposefully been staring at the ceiling, so he didn't see that range of emotions that flashed over Lily's face. Shock and horror, that Sirius would be so stupid as to prank Snape in that way. Anxiety at the thought of how close Snape had come to potential death. And relief that James was entirely okay and hadn't been expelled from school.

"I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. But I'm glad you're okay. This morning, when I saw you weren't in your room…" here Lily's voice started to catch, and she looked down at her hands and took a shaky breath. James slowly turned his head towards Lily, noting how her hair was falling over her face and her fingers were anxiously knotted together. "I really started to think the worst. I-I thought you might have died."

"I didn't die." Here Lily's eyes lifted to meet James, and the two stared at one another. James shifted so he was sitting on the couch, rather than lying across it. And he couldn't help but add the words, "But I might have."

The statement hung in the air for a few moments, heavy with meaning. After staring at one another for what felt like an eternity, Lily felt she had to break the moment somehow. She rose from her chair and turned her back to James, needing a moment to gather herself before delving from one uncomfortable topic to another. "About yesterday…." Lily started to say, turning back towards James, fully expecting him to still be on the couch. Instead, he was standing right in front of her, a burning look in his eyes that made Lily immediately fall silent. He held her gaze searchingly, and Lily felt herself leaning forward almost automatically, like she was being drawn into James' gravitational orbit.

James moved his hands to either side of Lily's neck, never breaking their eye contact. When Lily didn't push him away, James asked in a hoarse whisper, "Can I kiss you?" Lily didn't reply. She simply brought her lips to his, softly at first, but then with increased intensity. After a few moments of this, Lily couldn't help herself—she wrapped her hands around James' back, wanting to feel the muscles she had admired from afar moving underneath her fingertips. When James finally pulled away, the pair were both breathing heavily.

"So… what were you going to say about yesterday?" James asked slyly, the corners of his mouth turning up into a wide grin.

"Oh, you know… just to apologize for my outburst and say no pressure if you didn't want to be with me, or anything."

"Lily, I knew that I liked you from the very first time I met you, even if I was too young then to understand my feelings. I feel so horrible for all of these past years trying to convince you to like me in the worst possible ways. I was annoyingly persistent, and I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner how wrong I was. I had basically given up on any sort of an amicable relationship with you based on how you acted towards me in the past, so when you confronted me yesterday, I was just in shock. I needed some time to process my emotions. But after last night… how could I ever throw away a shot at being with you for real?"

The only thing that Lily could think to respond was, "Okay."

"Okay." James smiled at her, reaching out to tuck loose strands of hair back behind her ears. "Now, as much as I want to stay here kissing you all day," he started to say, "I barely slept at all last night and I'm so tired. I know this is a lot to ask, but will you come lie in bed with me for a little while? I could use a comforting presence after what happened."

Lily bit her lip, thinking. James could see the apprehension written on her face, and he said, "Don't worry, I really just want to lie next to you. I would never try anything you weren't ready for." Looking into James' eyes, Lily relaxed—she could feel he was telling the truth. James took her hand and led her through the open door into his bedroom, and he collapsed onto the bed almost immediately. Lily got on somewhat more awkwardly, and unsure. She trusted James completely, but it was still the first time she had ever been in a situation like this before.

Sensing her unease, James turned his head towards her and said, "If you want, just stay with me until I fall asleep—which should be very soon—and then you can leave. I won't be offended." Lily nodded in agreement, and sank back into the millions of pillows while James got under the covers and nestled himself in. Almost immediately his breathing turned deep and even, and Lily knew he had fallen fast asleep. She moved to get out of bed, but instead found herself getting caught up in studying every little detail of James' face. Lying down next to him, Lily felt all of her muscles start to relax, and before she even quite realized it, she was drifting off to sleep, perfectly content.


End file.
